Cycle update, I’ve been on my stimulation shots for 5 days now. I had my first monitoring appointment yesterday morning. I have two measurable follicles right now, hoping maybe one more pops by my appointment by tomorrow. The Dr. upped my Follistim from 375 to 450 so maybe that will make a difference. I can’t help but be disappointed by only having two follicles, even in the cycle when we only got three eggs I had 6 follicles showing at my monitoring appointments just 3 of them ended up being empty. I guess my fear is that with only two follicles growing what if one or both end up being empty! I’m also worried that the cycle will end up being cancelled due to my poor response. I’ve had a few minor meltdowns the past few days, I blamed “hormones” but I suspect they are more rooted in fear of this cycle being a flop and what that means for our future than anything else. Retrieval is tentatively set for next week so I just keep telling myself to get through the next week and then one way or another we will have our answers. One thing I am sure of is that this will be my last attempt at growing my own eggs, my ovaries lack of performance is too depressing to keep giving myself 4-5 shots everyday and seeing little to no progress. I will be relieved when this cycle is over, whatever the outcome ends up being. the way things are going I’m anticipating having to grieve the loss of my own fertility and being able to use my own eggs. I’m trying to hang on to hope but it’s hard, I’m trying to remind myself give it to God and have faith that things will work out the way they are supposed to. I’m thankful for my friends and families support through this cycle. Sharing with people about what I’m going through has made me feel less isolated this time around and for that I’m grateful. They make me feel like no matter what it’s going to be okay so for now that’s what I’m choosing to believe.