Angels all around you, that is what my Aunt used to say to me when I was having any kind of procedure or baby related issues or tests. I always kept her in the loop of what was going on with me even when I wasn’t sharing it with anyone else but my mom and husband. She was always praying for me and feeling deeply for what was going on with others even when she was the one who was sick. Losing her was and still is a raw pain that creeps up on me unexpectedly, usually when I’m alone driving and a sad song comes on the radio. I console myself with the thought that she is now one of the angels that she used to speak of and I feel her presence often. My Aunt had two sons and a daughter. Cousins are a BIG deal in my family, there are lot’s of us we are all close and love each other fiercely and fight like siblings. My dear sweet Cousin A (Aunts daughter) is very much like a sister to me, all the benefits of sleep overs and family fun, gossiping, and confiding in each other and none of the drama over stealing each others clothes, boys, or attention from our parents. She has been incredibly strong through my Aunt being sick and passing, her strength is not tainted with bitterness and it hasn’t hardened her, she is still sweet and and feels for others even after all she herself has endured, it is very much a characteristic that she got from my Aunt, so unselfish.
She is so unselfish in fact she has offered to donate her eggs to us. We still have to go to the doctor and she still needs tests and clearances and we aren’t sure of if and when it would all happen but the fact that she was even willing to consider it and then say yes has given us back so much hope that we will be able to have a baby in the next year. She has said for years that she doesn’t want children of her own. She hasn’t wavered on it and I was surprised that as she got older and even had serious boyfriends that her answer always remained the same. A few weeks ago we were having an adult sleepover, wine and gossip, when it came up in conversation again and her answer was still no she didn’t want kids. Cousin A is in her mid to late twenties now and I would say plenty grown up enough to make a decision like that for herself. So casually at 2 o’clock in the morning after several glasses of wine I asked her if she wasn’t going to use her eggs then could I have maybe have some? She immediately said yes if I’m able to that would be so cool. I said are you sure it wouldn’t be too weird to see hubby and I raising a baby that might potentially look like you and have your DNA? She said no I think it would be awesome then off to bed we went.
I took her quick yes with a large grain of salt, you see I have had people offer me things during my infertility journey before, for example there uterus. I can’t even tell you how many family members said I’ll carry a baby for you after my miscarriages when we thought my body was rejecting the embryos not that the embryos themselves were the issue. Then the minute I said well hey I’m going to the doctor next week and I’m going to ask him about gestational carriers they would quickly answer back that they hadn’t really thought it through and they were sorry but they just couldn’t do it. Mind you I’m not in the habit of asking people for use of there uterus’ but I will tell you at least 3 were offered to me and all backed out when I mentioned doctors appointments and anything closely relating it becoming a real situation. I had resigned myself to the fact that if on our next go around my eggs don’t work that we would be writing a check for $15,000 for 6-8 eggs from a random stranger picked off a donor egg internet database. I was not going to ask any family members to donate to us, it never felt like a fair thing to ask someone. However, after talking to my cousin it ended up feeling right to ask her to consider it and it was kind of on a whim. It turns out I desperately do want the absolute luxury of having some kind of genetic ties to my child. The ability to say where they got there eyes or nose from and the benefit of knowing there complete medical history even as the years go on and it evolves and changes. If our baby got even a hint of my Aunt or cousins selflessness and sweet temperament I would feel beyond blessed.
I told hubby the next day about asking her, he was surprised because we had never talked about asking a family member to donate but he was excited at the possibility now that I brought it up. I decide to wait a few days after our sleepover then I texted Cousin A and said hey remember when I asked you for some of your genetic material so we can try to make some good embryos and I can have a baby? I then sent her several informational links about being an egg donor what it really takes, the whole process and some hard questions. I told her to become well informed take all the time she needed and really think it over and if it was a No then we completely understood. She said she would read up on everything and let me know but at that point her only concern was that her eggs wouldn’t cooperate and she didn’t want to let us down. She has the sweetest heart and her response brought me to tears. A few days later I woke up to a message from her that said she read everything and she was IN! I really think it take a very special person to consider donating there eggs at all let alone to a family member. Tears again, even though we don’t know if we need donor eggs yet ( I have a gut feeling we do) just having the option of a known family member donor to do a fresh donor cycle with feels like the best Christmas present we could have asked for.There is still a lot of unknown but I feel a sense of peace with this now that I have been longing for and hadn’t been able to find in any of our other options of moving forward. The situation truly feels like it was orchestrated by our angels above.