I’m not sure if I will have the chance to become a parent but if I do I have had the absolute best examples of how to parent lovingly and selflessly from my own parents.
Flashback to my post Dogs are NOT babies, they are however wonderful companions and my urge to get one has been growing steadily as time as gone on. I found a dog rescue near my home and have been visiting it weekly for about a month feeling more comfortable every time I went in, I was gaining confidence and sure I would be able to properly train a dog. My husband was aware that I was visiting the rescue but had no desire to come with me and still maintained we would be a pet free home.
A few days ago the rescue received a new shipment from another state of dogs and in the shipment were Chihuahua mix puppies. Teeny tiny little babies, I was a goner. I fell head over heels with this little bitty puppy and immediately filled out my application to adopt her. I would deal with my husband later. The next day after my references were checked and I was approved I brought my mom and went back to the rescue and held her and spent some time with her. The only thing keeping them from letting me bring her home was that my husband had to come and meet her and sign the papers too. Stupid me I told them on the application I was married.
I called my husband to see if he would meet me there after work, they would reserve her for us until he could come. To my surprise and huge disappointment he REFUSED to come meet her. He cited his allergies to pet dander and said that we had already talked about it and his mind hadn’t changed about getting a dog. I begged, pleaded, cried and tried to make him understand how much I needed this how much I need SOMETHING. I even enlisted the help of my mother in law and nothing helped. As you can imagine this caused a gigantic epic fight between he and I, my heart was broken that he was unwilling to even try to meet her or bring her home on a trial basis to see how his allergies were. She is so tiny and projected to stay under 15lbs that I doubted she put off much dander but he wouldn’t budge. It was the most pain I and disappointment I have felt from him in our whole marriage. It brought up all kinds of issues between us such as sacrifices and decision making issues and if our partner ship is equal or if he just thinks he is the boss. Anyways that whole night was a huge shit show of tears and fighting but overall constructive communication about issues that apparently had been under the surface and this dog decision brought to a head.
The biggest shocker in this story is that after fighting and crying and talking the real decision that was came to is to TRY IVF AGAIN. I know I know I didn’t want to try again but apparently my heart isn’t as closed off to it as I thought it was and we are going to try a different doctor and hospital that we actually know a few people that went to and had great results but not the first time. The fact that this is what came out of me trying to adopt a dog has been really surprising to me, my husband doesn’t think a dog will fill the emptiness I feel and he shared that he still desparately wants a baby of our own which he hasn’t expressed in the past two years he has been acting totally content with the way things have been but this pushed him to make his wants and needs known too. I guess falling in love with her showed me that I’m willing to risk opening my heart again and if i’m willing to be brave enough for that then I feel ready to try for a baby again. So here goes nothing !
My mom has been thinking about getting a dog for about six months, she recently lost her little sister to cancer and my Aunt always had dogs. My mom witnessed how much love and comfort her dog brought her towards the end of her life. She thought she could use some of that love and comfort as she deals with her sadness over losing her sister. HOWEVER my Dad, who is very much like my husband said NO. He always joked that if my mom ever brought home a dog that’s how he would know she wanted a divorce. My mom had gone to the rescue with me on that fated day that my husband refused to show up and meet the puppy. She told my Dad how heartbroken I was over the whole situation and low and behold THEY decided to adopt that same puppy so that I could come and visit her ( we live 5 minutes apart). I have always felt grateful to my parents, they have given me anything and everything I have ever needed or wanted even as a married woman not living in there home and I don’t mean in a spoiled brat way just an unconditional love and support that is the most incredible thing in the world. The fact that my Dad went against his word that he would never have another dog (our last one passed away like 15 years ago) and let my mom adopt this puppy so that we could both love her and snuggle her and that maybe she could help both of us heal our hearts has been the greatest most selfless gift ever given to me. I am truly grateful for my parent’s and I sincerely hope that I get to become a parent so I can show a child this kind of unconditional love.
The puppy in the picture above is my parent’s new puppy, isn’t she cute?!