9 Weeks

Yesterday we had our 9 week appointment with my Obgyn. We had a sono first and got to see our little baby wiggling around in there and heard the heartbeat it was the most amazing sound I have ever heard. Baby is measuring perfectly for how far along I am and they say everything looks good! I go back at 12 weeks for another sono and the big to do of labs and a pap smear and internal exam all that good stuff. So far I’m loving my Ob office they seem really on top of my care and answered all the questions I had even the silly ones and took me really seriously which I appreciate. We decided to opt out of the genetic blood tests that seem to have become really popular lately, honestly I think most people do them so they can find out the gender for sure super early. No judgement here we had originally planned on doing it and finding out the gender was definitely one of the reasons. What happened was we started discussing what would happen if we ended up getting results that showed an increased risk for any of the genetic issues that it tests for and neither one of us is comfortable with the invasive follow up tests they would want to do to confirm the results like an amnio or cvs that can put the baby at risk. Also we found when reading the pamphlets they gave us that we are at an increased risk for getting wonky or unreadable results due to the fact that I’m on the blood thinner lovenox so we really don’t want to put ourselves through the potential stress and worry. We are going the route of ignorance being bliss. Therefore we will just have to be patient and wait to find out the sex of the baby at one of our ultrasounds. We have friends and family who found out they were having boys at there 12 week ultrasounds, I think with girls its harder to tell that early for sure so if they don’t obviously see boy parts they don’t say it’s a girl they wait until a later ultrasound to confirm. If they can’t see the gender at 12 weeks we will be going back for another sono at 16 weeks to check my cervix length because about 6 years ago I had a small procedure called a leep and it can effect your cervix during pregnancy so they are going to keep an extra close eye on me which I’m so grateful for and also getting to see the baby more is a bonus! I can’t believe how much the baby grew from 7 weeks to 9 weeks it looks like a little gummy bear now instead of a peanut and by 12 weeks it will fully look like a little baby which is insanely exciting! It’s all still pretty surreal but everyday that our little baby continues to happily grow in my belly is a complete miracle and blessing and I’m looking forward to experiencing every little milestone along the way!

A Baby!

There is really a baby in there! One baby measuring exactly 7 weeks 4 days with a heartbeat of 160. As soon as we started we were able to see the baby right away and she said see that flicker that’s your babies heartbeat! I have never felt relief like that in my life. I have not been able to fall asleep before 3am every single night this week due to my anxiety over this appointment. I’m hoping to finally get a good nights sleep tonight knowing everything is alright. My clinic released me today after my appointment we cried and hugged the doctor and nurse and thanked them for everything, this really was our hail Mary and I’m so grateful that we went for it! Next appointment is at 9 weeks with my OBGYN and I get another ultrasound, hallelujah! Only 10 days until we get to see our baby again. It’s definitely starting to set in that this is really happening, and is the best feeling in the world!

6 weeks and symptoms

I am in my 6th week right now and we are still a full week away from our first ultrasound! I should be 7 weeks 4 days next Friday when we go in, I told my husband I don’t know why they are treating me like a normal pregnant person and not seeing me for my first ultrasound until almost 8 weeks and then they said after the appointment if everything looks good ( fingers crossed) they are releasing me to my OBGYN! Everywhere else I have read women who do IVF get a sonogram every week of pregnancy starting at 6 weeks and then aren’t released to there OB until closer to 10 weeks. That would be my only issue with this new place, I don’t think the post positive pregnancy test care is quite as thorough as other reproductive endocrinologists. I think the reason for weekly ultrasounds most places is to ease the patients anxieties which I totally get because I’m definitely anxious to see if there is really a baby OR TWO in there and I’m having to wait what feels like forever! I just keep telling myself the longer we wait the bigger the baby or babies will be when we finally get to see them. That’s another thing I still don’t know if I’m pregnant with TWINS or NOT, kind of a big deal. Right now my husband and I talk like there are two in there, we decided to assume it’s twins because we would hate for one to feel left out if we were talking like there was only one baby in there and there actually happened to be two. I know it sounds silly I guess I’m already feeling mommy guilt about everything being fair for them and feeling equally loved which is hilarious but hormones are crazy. Speaking of hormones!

Symptom round up for week 6 includes
-Increasingly sore breasts
-increased nausea ALL THE TIME
-Actually vomiting twice (strictly bile each time)once in the morning and once at night on separate days
-tired during the day
-insomnia at night ( tossing and turning)
-vivid dreams, Last night included eating cheese plates with my cousin while watching a play of Peter Pan, bizarre stuff.
-general weepyness, crying over seeing animals taht need to be adopted or hearing a sad song on the radio or just because I have a lump in my throat I don’t really need a reason.

So it seems all of my symptoms are pointing to a real pregnancy that is actually growing and progressing. We are staying positive and hopeful, so far we have no reason not to. I have had a few moments of anxiety simply because we have yet to have our ultrasound to confirm anything but I am usually able to come out of it fairly quickly by talking it out and also by reminding myself that being anxious or fearful won’t change the outcome of this but it can rob me of the joy and excitement of this time and I don’t want that. One more week to go before we know if we are having one or two babies! This is the most excited and hopeful we have ever been, our families love, support, and prayers have carried us through to this point and will continue to do so. I can’t help but feel like my angels, my Aunt and my cousin, are playing a huge part in the peace I’m feeling this time around. I know they are looking out for me and my babies and whenever get sad thinking that they will never get to meet them I remind myself that I truly believe that our loved ones up above hold on to our babies until they are ready to be sent to us. I just know that my sweet angels were the first ones to hold my babies and keep them safe for me and for that I’m so grateful. Both my Aunt and my cousin shared the middle name Marie, a family name on my mom’s side. My husband and I have already decided that if we are blessed with a daughter her middle name will be Marie and she will know all about the wonderful strong women she was named after.

Doubling

They made me wait until after 2pm again today I was getting SO anxious waiting to hear my second beta.
2nd BETA: 842
The nurse said it was almost a perfect doubling from the first beta number and I’m cleared to continue my crinone and schedule my first OB ultrasound sometime during my 7th week of pregnancy, so in about 2 weeks. We are so thrilled! I still feel like we are holding our breathe a little until we hit each milestone but so far we have had nothing but good news and so I’m going to try enjoy that and of course focus on the positive. I’m still kind of feeling like,” is this real life?” I think it will become more real to us after the ultrasound but I have a feeling that’s how most people feel. For now I’m going to take it easy, keep trying to get all my nutrients even if that includes a cheeseburger here or there, do a little walking everyday to keep moving, and just keep praying that everything continues to go as well as it has so far!

BETA DAY

What a day what a day! I was restless last night I barely got 6 hours of sleep. I decided not to do ANY home pregnancy tests at all before my blood test today. I was completely clueless as to what the outcome would be. My clinic made me wait until after 2 O’Clock before they called me with the results. My HCG is 425 and my progesterone is 39!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was in complete shock when I heard that first number. Never in any previous cycle have we had numbers like that at our first beta. I’m so happy, this feels like it’s really it, like we are going to be bringing a baby (OR 2!) home with us in October. It feels like a miracle, I’m floating on cloud 9 right now and my husband’s reaction was the sweetest thing, I’ve never seen him so emotional, we have been waiting so very long for such good news. I’m going to do a little symptom round up so I don’t forget what I’m feeling!

My biggest symptom so far has been tiredness, I’ve been napping once a day the last few days and not really voluntary naps more like falling asleep on the couch watching TV but I have just noticed overall I’m more tired.
Sore boobs, I felt like my boobs were much more sore right after retrieval but they still feel heavy and tender right now.
Nausea, I know it’s early but I’ve definitely felt little waves of nausea here and there the past few days.
Bad taste in my mouth, not sure if this is really a symptom but i have taken a few bites of different fruits or foods the past few days and they haven’t tasted right, I ate a few strawberries this morning and they almost tasted bitter I only had 3 before I said I can’t do this anymore.

I go back Friday for another HCG and progesterone and I’m praying for a nice doubling number to get me through until my first ultrasound!!!!! I feel so grateful and lucky that we got good news today I’m hoping it continues!!!!!

Buns in the Oven

We drove through a blizzard to get to our day 3 transfer. I cannot praise my husband enough for his superior driving skills and patience to get us to where we needed to be! Imagine my surprise when we got there and they said BOTH our embryos were great quality! We have NEVER heard that before at any previous transfer, in fact most of our other clinics were really vague about the grading or cell count of the embryos they were putting back. This time they explained everything perfectly. One embryo was 8 cells with little to no fragmentation and the other was 6 cells with little to no fragmentation. The doctor doing the transfer said the cell counts were right where they needed to be for day 3 and the lack of fragmentation made them great quality! He even said if we hadn’t done so many previous cycles they might have insisted that we only put back the 8 cell embryo and try to watch the 6 cell until day 5 and freeze but since this isn’t our first, second, or even third go around he said putting back both would be fine as long as we were okay with the chance of twins, which we definitely are now. He did say it was pretty amazing and unusual to only get 2 eggs at retrieval and end up with two good quality embryos to put back.

I’m doing a few things different this time post transfer, just silly myths I’ve read from other bloggers and fertility websites but hey it can’t hurt!

-SOCKS AND SLIPPERS, I have been wearing socks and slippers 24/7 since transfer, I have even been wearing socks to bed which is WAY out of the norm for me, even in winter I like bare feet, Supposedly this keeps your blood from going to your extremities to keep them warm so it stays in your core and helps the embryos implant.

-PINEAPPLE, this one is actually kind of proven, it hasn’t been hard for me to do because I was actually eating pineapple everyday for a month before this as part of a new diet plan I’m on so it’s really just a continuation of that. I am wondering if there’s a point when I should stop eating it? Does anyone know if it becomes a detriment at a certain point in the cycle, I’m eating about a cup a day, core and meat, usually mixed with cottage cheese for some protein, such a great snack!

-BED REST, I know there are pretty much two camps on this,the doctors say there is no need for it and go on with life as normal but I’ve done that the other times and obviously it didn’t work so this time I’m trying out the bed rest camp.I spent 3 solid days being lazy watching Netflix and having my husband wait on me hand and foot and it was lovely. Today I’m back to the grind of cooking and cleaning and laundry but I’m taking breaks to rest and trying not to lift anything heavy.

At this point I’m trying to stay busy until my blood test on the 22nd and hope times goes by fast. We are thrilled with the outcome of the cycle so far and so hopeful that these buns currently in my oven are going to bake for a full nine months!

PS. loyal readers and commentator’s I know my comments section isn’t showing comments right now but I can see them all and I read every single one and SO appreciate them ALL. I need to get tech support AKA my husband to figure out why they aren’t showing so hopefully that will be fixed soon! Thank you again for all your support!

TWO

The retrieval went great, we ended up getting TWO eggs from my four mature follicles. The doctor who did the retrieval actually said she thinks one of the follicles was a cyst because of the fluid she pulled from it, so technically getting 2 eggs from 3 follies is a normal ratio because apparently there’s usually eggs in 80% of follicles. I cannot sing the praises of our new clinic and doctor enough they are so compassionate and truly care about the outcomes for every single couple they work with and it just shows in every interaction we have had with them from the beginning. The doctor who did the retrieval came and sat with us after and explained that she went into each follicle more than once to make sure she got everything she could for us. She asked us sincerely about our plans moving forward and said she was glad we seemed to be in a good place emotionally even though our outcome was less than normal, we were prepared for it and expecting it. We ended up joking and laughing our way through the morning and I think nurses were expecting us to be more upset with our outcome but there is a kind of peace that has settled over us this cycle that has helped us feel less anxious about the things we have no control over. what a relief it is to not feel so desperate. My hubby kept my spirits high all morning even in my moments of of doubt and took wonderful care of me the rest of the day as my anesthesia grogginess wore off. I am crampy and have a full feeling in my abdomen but I don’t have anywhere near as much pain as I remember having after my last retrieval which is really great. I got the call with the fertilization report this morning and both eggs successfully fertilized so we couldn’t be happier. We will get another call tomorrow with a progress report on how they are growing and let us know if we are going to do a day 3 or day 5 transfer. We are fairly certain we will be a day 3 transfer as the clinic prefers to do day 3. So our PGS( genetic testing) is officially cancelled and we are looking at doing a day 3 transfer of hopefully 2 embryos. My prep for the transfer is simple just once a day vaginal suppository crinone( progeserone) the one surprise is that the doctor doesn’t want me to do lovenox shots he doesn’t think they are necessary and I have literally done them every cycle and pregnancy up to this point so I was nervous but then I said to myself why am I anxious about not doing something that hasn’t worked every other time! So once I thought about it that way I was fine with it and happy not to have to do anymore shots.
I’m excited for our progress report tomorrow and to get a firm day and time for our transfer. Until then I am snuggling with my parent’s dog and taking it easy whatever happens from here on out is out of our hands I’m just going to take care of myself and leave the rest up to God.

Shots shots shots

Great news! They think there are 4 mature follicles and I’m doing my HCG shot tonight and having my retrieval first thing Monday morning! My HCG shot will be the last of my shots this cycle and I’m super excited to be done poking myself multiple times a day with a needle. Next step, bring on the suppository progesterone! I know 4 follicles isn’t a big number but when it’s double what you started with it’s pretty great news. I’m definitely feeling better going into the retrieval. We are supposed to be doing PGS( genetic testing) with our embryos but I went onto my portal and they already have an appointment scheduled for me for a day 3 transfer and then a follow up pregnancy test 14 days after that. I think they are just anticipating that even if we get 4 eggs that may not equate to 4 embryos so maybe not enough to send out for testing? Obviously we will do whatever the Doctor thinks is best and if that’s a day 3 transfer then that is what we will do. I was pretty opposed to transferring more than one embryo when we started talking about doing this again, naturally due to my previous failures and potential lack of freezable embryos I’m anticipating they will suggest transferring 2 back if we have that many on day 3 to transfer. I’m surprisingly okay with that, I don’t think my chances of ending up with twins are very high. We will see what kind of quality embryos we end up with. Twins really freaked me out when I first started thinking about trying to get pregnant again and it’s something that you really have to take into consideration when your doing fertility treatments. We know at least 3 couples personally who have twins from IVF cycles. One set was born at just after 28 weeks gestation and while they are happy and healthy now it was a very long and scary NICU stay for them. Ideally we would love to have two kids in the long run if it’s possible, so having two at once could be a big blessing especially after how long we have waited. We have a lot of close family to help and support us so I do think we could handle the needs of twins. What is more scary for me to think about is worrying how my body would handle growing not just one but two babies, if it comes to it I would definitely be up to the challenge! I’m trying not to get too far ahead of myself with thinking about the potential outcome of this cycle but that’s kind of impossible. I think instead of being cautiously optimistic, I’m going to just go ahead and let myself be fully optimistic, screw caution. I’m feeling excited about the retrieval and possible transfer and whatever comes after that!

Mid Cycle Mood

Cycle update, I’ve been on my stimulation shots for 5 days now. I had my first monitoring appointment yesterday morning. I have two measurable follicles right now, hoping maybe one more pops by my appointment by tomorrow. The Dr. upped my Follistim from 375 to 450 so maybe that will make a difference. I can’t help but be disappointed by only having two follicles, even in the cycle when we only got three eggs I had 6 follicles showing at my monitoring appointments just 3 of them ended up being empty. I guess my fear is that with only two follicles growing what if one or both end up being empty! I’m also worried that the cycle will end up being cancelled due to my poor response. I’ve had a few minor meltdowns the past few days, I blamed “hormones” but I suspect they are more rooted in fear of this cycle being a flop and what that means for our future than anything else. Retrieval is tentatively set for next week so I just keep telling myself to get through the next week and then one way or another we will have our answers. One thing I am sure of is that this will be my last attempt at growing my own eggs, my ovaries lack of performance is too depressing to keep giving myself 4-5 shots everyday and seeing little to no progress. I will be relieved when this cycle is over, whatever the outcome ends up being. the way things are going I’m anticipating having to grieve the loss of my own fertility and being able to use my own eggs. I’m trying to hang on to hope but it’s hard, I’m trying to remind myself give it to God and have faith that things will work out the way they are supposed to. I’m thankful for my friends and families support through this cycle. Sharing with people about what I’m going through has made me feel less isolated this time around and for that I’m grateful. They make me feel like no matter what it’s going to be okay so for now that’s what I’m choosing to believe.

Day one

Today I start my first lupron shot of this cycle! So grateful for my hubby who took off work to drive me through a snow storm to get to my blood work and ultrasound appointment. Everything was pretty basic except at this new clinic I was supposed to print off my own blood work lab script and bring it with me because this is a satellite office of the main clinic. I’ve never had to do that before and even though the nurse told me about it it was weeks ago and since then I had to deal with getting meds delivered and it completely slipped my mind. My nurse was at the main office today and the receptionist at the office basically said too bad this is your problem not ours. So my extremely patient husband drove me after after the ultrasound to print the script then took me back out to a lab a little closer to us to get my blood draw. I was a crying the whole way home in the car from the ultrasound a mixture of wacked out hormones from being on and off the birth control pill this week and guilt that my husband had to miss work to drive me around like miss daisy because the weather was bad and apparently i was emotionally too fragile. Once we got home for good he stayed with me and worked from home to keep me company and I ended up taking a much needed nap to reset. I can’t tell you how lucky I feel that he was so patient and sensitive to what I know was a complete overreaction. He was truly been a man of his word and put me and this cycle and doctors appointments ahead of anything else. I feel so supported by him and like we are really in it together this time. It feels really wonderful and I’m very grateful for my husband who knew exactly what I needed today and didn’t hesitate to put me first.